Every couple of weeks, I decide I’m going to go and research book publicists, and find someone who actually wants to make money selling my books. What I find, over and over again, is people who want to make money by selling things to me. They want to sell me marketing books, or sell me lecture series on DVD, or sell me bumper stickers (dead serious – I look up “book publicists” and get people who want to sell me bumper stickers! If I wanted to buy bumper stickers, I would have looked up bumper stickers!)
You’ve heard of those people who are so good at selling that they could sell space heaters to the devil? I’m pretty sure I couldn’t sell him a freezer. I can write a great novel, but I can’t sell it.
Surely there must be people out there somewhere who have a program that looks like this:
1) I send them my book. They read it. They don’t like it, and they toss it, or
2) They sell it!
I don’t care where, how, or to whom they sell it. They can take it to the book shows, they can place it in bookstores, they can hawk it on the street for all I care, but they get nothing from me until they sell some. I’ll split it down the middle. I’ll give you half, as long as I don’t have to spend writing time going online and finding so-called publicists who are simply bumper sticker salesmen!
By the way:
No. Too mad.